I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize