I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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