Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
