you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
