is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
