If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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