I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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