I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
