"it" just moved
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
