From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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