Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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