We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
