Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
