DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
