I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
