At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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