I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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