Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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