i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
