did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
