Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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