You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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