She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
