There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
