Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
