Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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