Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So many bounce houses so little time
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
