with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
