wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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