Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
