Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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