Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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