omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
