dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
two words...techno handjob
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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