I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
