Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
