I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
