somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
