You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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