one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
