he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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