i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had to cum in my sink.
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