oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Two words: nipple clamps
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