R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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