Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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