I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
