We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
