It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
