my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
