I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
