...so i touched it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
