saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
