Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
