We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
