My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
