I have demons in me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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