k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
