I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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