i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
