o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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