I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
