are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
