we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
