census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
