RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
