If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
