I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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