I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
