**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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