I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
