i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
