the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
