jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
