I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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