Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
