I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
