I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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